Stupid Sentinel Tricks
by Red Witch
Summary: Ever wonder what was going through the minds of the geniuses who made the Sentinels? Wonder no more.


**The disclaimer telling all of you that I don't own any X-Men characters has taken off to the decorators. This is just an insane I idea I had. My interpretation of how Sentinels should have first been introduced in the comics. Of course this is slightly based on the old 90's cartoon but you get the idea. **

**Stupid Sentinel Tricks**

"Bolivar Trask! I hear you have something to show me," Henry Gyrich walked up to the scientist.

"Yes Mr. Gyrich indeed I do. If you will follow me please," Trask made a motion and Gyrich followed him. "Last year you wanted me to come up with a solution to the growing mutant crisis and I believe I finally have the solution."

"You'd better because the mutant menace grows stronger every day," Gyrich snarled. "Stupid freaks with their stupid powers…"

"Don't worry about that sir, I have come up with something that will equalize the playing field," Trask said as they entered a large room.

"Good I can't wait to see it," Gyrich said as they walked on a large catwalk in the large room. "Where is it?"

"Right over there sir," Trask pointed.

"Okay right over…" Gyrich turned around and saw a gigantic purple metal face in front of him. "GAAAAHHHHHHH!"

"Thought you'd react that way," Trask smiled.

"Holy freaking crap what the hell is **that?**" Gyrich did a double take as he came face to face with a giant purple face.

"That Gyrich is the future of the human race! The Sentinel!" Trask said proudly.

"Freaking hell look at the **size **of this thing!" Gyrich gasped. "Is that its **head?** Holy…" He looked down on the catwalk. "This thing is **huge!**"

"It is the ultimate in Mutant Hunting technology," Trask told him.

"Holy…Look at the **size **of this thing!" Gyrich gasped. "Do you know how big this thing is?"

"It's about thirty five feet tall," Trask said. "Give or take an inch."

"Thirty five…Holy mackerel!" Gyrich shouted. "I mean **look** at this thing! Look at it! It's gigantic!"

"Impressive isn't it?" Trask said.

"Not exactly the word that comes to mind, but holy…" Gyrich looked at it. "It's not just huge it's a freaking…I don't know **what **it is!"

"Sir this is the solution to the mutant crisis," Trask smiled. "With this baby we can take care of those mutant freaks without any problem whatsoever."

"There is one **tiny** problem with your plan Trask," Gyrich sighed. "Well maybe tiny isn't the right word for it. It's a **big **problem. Something you kind of overlooked."

"I did?" Trask asked.

"Yes, uh Trask. How would you describe our organization?"

"It's an organization detected to protecting the human race from mutants."

"That's right but what **kind** of organization is it?"

"I don't understand."

"Didn't think you did," Gyrich sighed. "Trask you are aware that this is a **secret **organization are you? And by secret I mean people aren't supposed to know that we exist."

"Uh huh," Trask blinked.

"I mean we do get all our funding from private donations and secret slush funds from the Pentagon," Gyrich went on. "You really don't think the Pentagon pays four thousand dollars for a single toilet when you can get them for a hundred bucks at the nearest hardware store right?"

"Right."

"So if we are a secret organization that **no one** is supposed to know about, especially our enemies," Gyrich finished. "Tell me Trask how long are we going to stay secret if you send out THIRTY STORY HIGH ROBOTS OUT ALL OVER TOWN? You don't think people are gonna **notice** that?"

"Oh," Trask blinked. "Well uh…"

"I mean come on!" Gyrich shouted as he waved at the giant Sentinel. "You really think people aren't gonna figure out where something this big comes from! All they have to do is watch the sky and see where it goes and follow it!"

"It's not that big…" Trask.

"NOT THAT BIG! I'VE SEEN SKYSCRAPERS THAT WERE SMALLER! YOU CAN SEE IT FROM **SPACE!"** Gyrich shouted. "YOU REALLY BELIEVE YOU CAN FLY THIS THING AROUND AND NO ONE WILL NOTICE WHERE IT'S COMING AND GOING? WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?"

"Look I know it's a little unorthodox…" Trask began.

"A LITTLE?" Gyrich said.

"I was trying to think outside the box," Trask explained.

"Looks like you were thinking **inside** a box! A toy box!" Gyrich shouted. "Oh yeah just send a billion dollar giant robot you can see three states away after the mutants! Why didn't I think of that? Oh I know, because it's **insane!**"

"I did not make a billion dollar giant robot," Trask corrected him. "I made about **fifty** giant robots with that billion dollars."

"Oh that makes me feel so much **better,**" Gyrich said sarcastically. "How did you save so much money? Do some of the manufacturing in Mexico? Have a few illegal aliens do some of the construction for you?"

"Yeah actually," Trask shrugged. "Hey don't knock it. You have any idea how far a billion dollars goes in Mexico these days? Okay I had to cheapen a few materials and cut a few corners but you gotta admit they do great work. I mean look at the craftsmanship on the face alone! It's pretty impressive!"

"It also explains why the stupid thing is _purple!_" Gyrich shouted. "Purple? You painted this monstrosity **purple?** Of all the colors you could have _possibly_ picked for your giant mutant death toys you picked **purple**?"

"Well uh…" Trask fidgeted.

"Purple? Really? I mean when you were choosing a color scheme for these metal monstrosities, **that's** the color you went with?" Gyrich shouted. "Instead of another color like I don't know…**black **or **red** or **dark green** you picked the brightest most gayest color a giant robot could get?"

"Purple is a nice color."

"For a large stupid looking toy dinosaur maybe but for **this?**" Gyrich shouted. "The size alone was stupid enough but to paint it _purple_?"

"Hey you wanted something to hunt and destroy mutants and I made it!" Trask snapped.

"Oh yeah this will work all right," Gyrich said sarcastically. "If the mutants are **deaf and color blind!"**

"There's no reason to get snippy with me," Trask told him.

"For a billion dollars I think I'm entitled to get as snippy as I want!" Gyrich shouted. "Seriously! My **house **could fit in the right hand alone! And I own a three story mansion in the Hamptons!"

"So it's a little bigger than we thought it was going to be," Trask began. "All the more mutants to catch with it. Bigger is better!"

"Since when is _purple_ better? Purple? **Giant purple robots?** Seriously? Out all the possible ways you could have used the money to hunt mutants this is the **best **you could come up with?" Gyrich shouted. "Instead of I don't know a virus to attack mutant cells or a cure for mutations or even a stupid collar or something to negate a mutant's powers you went with **this**?"

"It was the best thing my people and I came up with."

"If this is the best I'd hate to see your **reject** pile!" Gyrich shouted. "A giant purple robot! We're gonna be laughed out of the arms race if the Russians ever get wind of this! It looks like my cousin on Fire Island designed it!"

"Look we were on a budget and purple was the cheapest color we could get! Okay?" Trask shouted.

"Why didn't you just put flashing disco lights and sequins while you were at it?" Gyrich went on. "Is your plan to have the mutants _laugh_ themselves to death when they see this thing coming? Was _that _your plan?"

"Will you just give it a chance?" Trask asked. "Okay maybe the paint job wasn't exactly the best choice in the world but it will work!"

"Work? Those mutants are going to see this thing coming a mile away!" Gyrich shouted. "Oh wait, you have **fifty **of these suckers! Yeah no one will see **that **coming! Fifty giant purple robots running down the freeway. Great idea!"

"They won't run down the highway. They can fly," Trask explained.

"Even better! Fifty giant purple robots flying through the air! That'll really wake up the air traffic controllers!" Gyrich shouted.

"You are overreacting," Trask said.

"**I** am overreacting?" Gyrich snapped. "I'm **overreacting?** You take a billion dollars and make a date for King Kong and you think I'm overreacting? I ask you to come up with something to take care of mutants and you give me **this!** The mutants are going to tear the human race to pieces and the best you can come up with to defend ourselves is this purple monstrosity?"

"How are the mutants going to prepare for **this?"** Trask asked. "It's not like they have some giant room with fancy holographic technology and weapons where they can train to learn how to take these things out more efficiently!"

"You couldn't have sprung a few extra bucks and painted them **black?**" Gyrich moaned. "Or even some other nice normal military color? Gray or green or even brown would be better than this! A reject out of a Japanese cartoon special?"

"Will you relax and trust me on this?" Trask said. "It may not be the best looking thing in the world but it will get the job done!"

"It's purple…" Gyrich moaned. "Humanity's last line of defense are giant purple robots…We're doomed!"

"We are not doomed!" Trask said showing him a clipboard. "Look at these features. DNA tracking device with a GPS system. High powered lasers that can be set from stun all the way to disintegrate. Thick titanium shells. These babies are built to last! They can hold their own against **any** mutant! Well unless of course that mutant can manipulate metal, have adamantium claws that can cut through titanium. Even walk through matter and disrupt machinery. But what are the odds **that's** gonna happen?"

"You do have a point," Gyrich sighed. "But **purple?**"

"I am a mechanical engineer! I'm not good at decorating okay!" Trask said. "All right! Maybe purple wasn't exactly the best color scheme I could have went with?"

"You **think?"** Gyrich asked. "And another thing, how are you gonna drive that thing? What someone sits in the head or something? No, don't tell me. Let me guess. A boy genius named Skippy and his dog are going to fly this thing!"

"No, it's all done by computers and remote control," Trask said. "In fact it's got a built in memory and learning system so that it learns from fighting mutants."

"So technically you're saying this thing has no real guidance…" Gyrich said. "I mean what would happen if there was a glitch in the system or…"

"It's not gonna happen!" Trask told him. "You worry too much! What's it going to do?"

"Besides blow up entire cities if it gets a tad off course?"

"That won't happen! We'll try to keep these things out of populated areas as much as possible," Trask said. "Gyrich trust me. These machines are programmed to do exactly what we say to do. What, you think these Sentinels are somehow going to become semi-sentient and turn on us or something?"

"Of course not! This isn't the movies," Gyrich said. "But why did you have to make them so _big?_ And purple? Why **purple?**"

"Will you get off the purple already? I **get** it!" Trask snapped. "I'll call around and get estimates for a new paint job! Are you happy?"

"Not really but it's a start," Gyrich grumbled. "Level with me, why giant robots?"

"I've always wanted to build a giant robot and hunting mutants seemed like a pretty good reason to do it," Trask shrugged. "Didn't you ever see that old cartoon Gigantor?"

"Gigantor?"

"You know that Japanese cartoon where the kid controls a big robot to save the world and stuff?" Trask asked. "That was my favorite as a kid."

"Oh yeah I liked that cartoon too as a kid," Gyrich said. "Remember the theme song? _Gigantor…Gigantor…"_

"Yeah Gigantor," Trask added.

Soon they were both singing the theme song. _"Gigantor. Gigantor. Gi-Gan-Tooooooooorrrr!" _

"Of course Gigantor wasn't purple," Gyrich said.

"I said I was sorry about the color," Trask said.

"Well it can't be any worse than any of the other stuff we've come up with," Gyrich said looking at the robot. "It's not that bad, besides the color but it's still kind of big. Couldn't you have made some human sized ones? You know? So they can sneak around undetected?"

"I guess I could make a few of them that are a bit smaller," Trask said. "Stealth robots designed to terminate mutants. Programmed to track down and terminate mutants. We could call them…Mutant Kill-Bots or something."

"You go work on that," Gyrich said. "Well I guess since you've already built the damn things we might as well use them. Find some test subjects or something and take them out for a test drive. Just…Try to be as inconspicuous as possible huh? The last thing we need is some kind of investigation or renegade mutant group tracking us down and tearing up the place."

"Good idea. I'll send this Sentinel out for a test run and have it bring back a mutant," Trask pushed some buttons on a control panel. "Then you can see for yourself how effective they are."

"One question," Gyrich realized. "How is something this big supposed to get out of…"

VRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOM!

CRASH!

"A giant hangar without a door?" Gyrich finished. "Oh **that's** how!"

"Whoops," Trask winced as the Sentinel crashed through the roof above them.

"There's another couple thousand dollars right down the drain," Gyrich looked through the giant hole in the roof.

"Maybe I should install some kind of protocol that keeps it from crashing through a roof or something?" Trask asked.

"I'd strongly consider that," Gyrich said sarcastically. "Right after…"

"I know I know! After I change the color on the damn thing!" Trask interrupted.

WHOOOOOOOOOOOSHHHHH!

CLANG!

"What the hell was that?" Gyrich shouted as something rapidly fell by them, narrowly missing them. He looked over the catwalk. "Is that a bolt? A fifteen foot **bolt?**"

"Uhhhhhhhh," Trask gulped. "Maybe?"

"What the hell, man? Are you telling me this thing is falling apart **already?"** Gyrich shouted.

"No, no I'm sure it didn't come from the Sentinel. It probably came from the ceiling," Trask said quickly.

"What is the ceiling painted **purple** too? I'm not color blind Trask! That's a fifteen foot purple bolt that obviously is connected to some part of the Sentinel!" Gyrich shouted. "And I want to know what!"

"Calm down it's just a little bolt so it couldn't have been connected to anything important," Trask held up his hands.

"A _**LITTLE**_ BOLT? **THAT** IS A LITTLE BOLT?" Gyrich shouted.

"Well it is a very large robot," Trask said. "And I'm sure it wasn't connected to anything too important."

"I don't care! I paid over a billion dollars for a giant purple robot and I want the damn thing to work properly!" Gyrich shouted. "And more importantly I don't want Sentinel parts falling all over the place! Do you have any idea what would have happened if that bolt hit somebody? We are talking serious lawsuits here!"

"Unless it hit a mutant," Trask shrugged. "Otherwise we'd be home free."

"That's how you're going to capture the mutants? Have the damn robot fall apart on them and hope they get squished?" Gyrich shouted.

"Sir, please! Obviously there are still a few tiny bugs in the system," Trask said. "But once we get the kinks ironed out I give you my word that nothing else will happen."

BOOOM! BOOOOOM!

"NOW WHAT'S GOING ON?" Gyrich screamed as the building started to shake. "I hear people screaming! Why are they screaming?"

"They're not screaming they're…" Trask realized something. "Excuse me."

He ran out of the room. "JOSE! MANUEL! YOU LUNATICS BETTER NOT BE PLAYING ROCK EM SOCK EM SENTINELS AGAIN OR YOU WILL BE DEPORTED SO FAST IT WILL MAKE YOUR HEADS SPIN!"

Gyrich groaned as he put his head in his hands. "Who knew that mutants aren't the only **freaks** on this planet?"


End file.
